Dealing With Embarrassing Symptoms: Constipation

When MSAA asked if I wanted to contribute something for their theme this month I knew I had a lot to say, but I was uneasy being frank about a topic that would be on the internet for anyone to judge. It was exactly that reason why I didn’t play it safe and just talk about embarrassing symptoms generally.  Because I felt a bit of fear sharing my experiences with constipation, I decided it was the perfect one for me to discuss.  Courage gathered and challenge accepted. So here goes…

There’s no glamour in being good at living with a chronic illness, but there is dignity in exhibiting confidence and acceptance of the reality of living with an incurable health condition. Aging gracefully is met with admiration, and I maintain that living confidently and openly with an illness is worth undertaking.  People living with illness deserve to live a life without shame or feelings of inadequacy for circumstances beyond their control.

Constipation is a common Multiple Sclerosis symptom. It’s embarrassing, and it’s an uncomfortable topic to discuss.  Try to get over the embarrassment of bowel problems.  If the doctor doesn’t have previous experience with an embarrassing issue, it won’t be the last time.  You may be teaching the doctor something that will be useful for the next patient.

People that have helped me with different aspects of MS constipation over the years have been my Primary Care Physician, Neurologist, Physical Therapist, Urologist, Naturopath, yoga instructor, people in my MS Self Help Group, and close friends who have had their own experiences or been caretakers for their parents.

The MS Self Help group I’m in doesn’t ever respond, “T.M.I.,” or shut down a conversation when they’re uncomfortable. They may get quiet and let others speak, but I’ve never seen someone tell a person the topic isn’t appropriate. Meetings are a perfect resource and safe environment for sharing our specific problems and learning what other people do.

People are trying to be helpful when they diagnose your problem.  They’re sharing what worked for them in the past, and they’re excited that they might be able to help you. With constipation though, it’s necessary to look at the consistency of your poop before deciding how to fix it.  Most treatments assume you’re constipated because medications are hardening your stool or you’re not getting enough fiber or fluids in your diet. Sometimes those suggestions can help alleviate constipation. But with MS, that may not be the cause or remedy.

Sometimes the problem isn’t the consistency of stool; it’s that the poop should be able to move but won’t. Your fiber intake and hydration level can be perfect and your poop can be the perfect consistency, but the inner and outer anal sphincters may not be operating on command.  The problem can be that the nerve messages flowing from the brain to the anus aren’t getting there to let a bowel movement happen naturally.  It can also be that spasticity is refusing to let the muscles relax. If poop is the right consistency, then more fiber doesn’t help with this.  With laxatives, you can get the poop to a diarrhea like consistency to alleviate unsatisfying bowel movements.  While it’s a relief to empty the colon, it’s a roller coaster approach to dealing with constipation.

Pooping regularly and easily requires the perfect combination of good stool consistency and the anal sphincters functioning correctly. When the poop is good but MS lesions are blocking nerve messages or spasticity is wreaking havoc, there are a number of things that can help:

• Self-diagnosis: Learn how to detect the root issue causing constipation. Is it stool consistency, malfunctioning nerve messages or something else?
• Schedule: Allow time for coffee, tea, or medications to take effect before you need to be somewhere.  It may require getting up earlier and taking more time in the morning.
• Movement: Stretch, twist, and move the mid-section to shake up the system to help induce a bowel movement. Exercising on a stationary bike, elliptical or treadmill is good since you’re likely to be close to a bathroom when you feel you need to go.
• Self-massage: Look on the internet for “self massage for constipation.” There are a lot of videos and suggestions for how to massage the abdomen to induce a bowel movement.
• Breathing: Look on the internet for “breathing exercises for pooping.” Focusing on breathing and moving the belly can help focus attention away from the sphincter, relax the rest of the body, and trigger the involuntary muscles that can help a bowel movement.
• Gut health: Probiotics and prebiotics can help maintain regularity, and they come in a variety of forms from pills and liquid supplements to fermented foods and yogurt.
• Bowel training:  Learn what each muscle in the pelvic region feels like when it’s tightened and when it’s relaxed in order to better control them. Kegels can increase the strength of the muscles and the ability to control them. Biofeedback with a trained professional can help with learning how to better control the external anal sphincter.  The internal sphincter isn’t under voluntary control, but learning to relax the muscles in the area can help with bowel movements.  
• Pooping position: Make sure to sit in a position that isn’t making it harder for the body to have a bowel movement.  A foot stool like a Squatty Potty creates a squatting position while sitting on a toilet so that the colon is straight and not kinked.
• Supplements: Senna and magnesium are among the many, many laxatives available in pill, liquid and tea form available to soften stool if needed.
• Enemas & Suppositories: Saline enemas and glycerin suppositories can be effective for emptying the bowels when constipation lasts too long and immediate action is needed.
• Bidet toilet seat*: This attachment to your standard toilet can stimulate the body to have a bowel movement less invasively than an enema, and with time it can in a way train the colon to respond to the water.  It can also help reduce the instances of UTI's for some people who use a bidet.
• Botox injections and muscle relaxing medications are treatments that can help neutralize the effects of spasticity which is another common MS symptom that can lead to constipation.

The body is an engineering marvel, and when it works well it seems super simple.  When things stop working as well, it takes a lot of self-discovery and research to figure out what’s going on. Embarrassing symptoms are frustrating, because they drastically increase the discomfort quotient and reduce the options for gathering treatment options.

Learning to overcome feelings of embarrassment will go a long way to diagnosing and finding treatments for symptoms.  Be courageous. Be confident in your duty to advocate for your well-being.  Be a good example and resource for others who may need to find their own courage to do this someday.

* The suggestion regarding bidet toilet seats was added after a reader suggested it and described how it has benefited her. Many thanks!

We All Have Hardships And Inspiration Is Everywhere

This father lived a little over a year beyond his daughter’s death. He was in the middle of his 75^th year when he died, and his daughter perished in the midst of her 47^th year in her antique airplane. His passion for flight had become a joy for her to share with him. To learn to fly and live adventurously – these were in a hobby they could share that would help her connect with her father and feel loved.

Sometimes we don’t get what we need. This father, my grandfather, became fatherless at the age of nine at the beginning of the Great Depression.  This boy was thrust into the role of man of the house and helped support his mother couriering laundry for people. He’d pick up clothes for washing and return them clean. The price was a nickel as I recall.

The daughter, my mother, became motherless at the age of two. She learned her mother had left the family and wasn’t coming back. This toddler didn’t speak for hours, and ever after she spoke with a stutter she hadn’t had before. And when the daughter died, she left four daughters grieving.  They were three young adults and one child ten days shy of ten years old. All of them – the father, the daughter and the granddaughters - all lost someone they needed. The fact that they all lived with the absence doesn’t mean their loved ones weren’t needed. The void gets filled in some way – with heartache, distraction, and sometimes purpose, but that person never gets replaced.

There’s a new monument near the father and daughter’s graves. Three children all gone on the same day, much too young and with senseless cause. The Tower children were taken in an instant. I looked it up later and saw they’d perished in a house fire. The mother had escaped, and the father lived elsewhere. The fire was ruled an accident. It was the worst kind of accident – one that can’t be fixed.

In each of our grief we can feel isolated and lose sight of the grief others have had or will experience in their lives. There’s always a story that is more tragic. To feel the worst pain we’ve ever felt gets some perspective when we compare ourselves to people enduring pain we imagine to be exponentially greater than our own.

This doesn’t mean we should minimize our own pain. It only means we have an ounce of knowledge of the pain, loss and grief someone else might be enduring that helps us see what there is to appreciate in our own experience.

When in poor health it’s natural to compare ourselves to when we were in better health or to others that we presume are in good health. It’s helpful though to compare ourselves with those with greater challenges. Noticing perseverance is inspiring. It’s a helpful reality check for me to see people who can’t walk at all when I’m only tripping and in pain or to see people with permanently clawed hands when mine are aching and not cooperating as much as they usually do.

I could fear their reality as my fate, and when I allow that it depresses me. But when I look beyond the conditions and consider their lives as a whole, I’m inspired by their resilience, perseverance, and matter of fact acceptance of their conditions.

I may be chronicling my declining health, or I may be sharing a life worth living with challenges. You’ll form your own judgments, but I see it as sharing our invisible conditions to connect us and to remind ourselves that we aren’t alone in our fears, grief or hardships. We all have them in one way or another at different times in our lives.

There’s comfort in compassion without pity. While it may just be my pride showing, I prefer it that way. I try to convey my compassion with respect for the differences in our experiences that doesn’t come across as competing for the Who Had It Worse award. And I like it when people are able to do the same for me.

It’s beautiful to know we each have a unique experience and still we all share feelings about them that bind us together. To feel a kinship laced with understanding, respect and love for our fellow grievers, survivors, sufferers and thrivers is heartening and motivating to keep going when it’s tougher than usual. It can give us the strength we need to continue with our own hardships when others are in the midst of greater suffering.

Among my sisters, it was a given that our youngest sister had it the hardest. She’d had so little time with our mother and she still needed so much. At least we’d had our mother’s love and support through young adulthood.

I think of the Tower children and their family. I can only imagine the grief their parents live with. My mother died twenty-three years ago this month. It was a decade before I was able to talk about my mom without showing visible grief. The family of these children has been living with their absence just over a year. In their invisible condition, I hope people show them kindness, patience and compassion even when they know nothing about their lives.

And I hope people give this.  Not because the Towers deserve it, but because people can be amazingly kind.

Each of us has challenges. Sometimes we’re lucky and the things we’re dwelling on or frustrated with aren’t monumental. I think everyone always has a set number of challenges that they’re dealing with that are frustrating. It’s just at times that huge life events or conditions move in and make the rest seem inconsequential. When my problems are small I can appreciate them for their trivial nature, and when they’re big I can look for inspiration to keep going.  There’s always someone out there that is living well with more difficult circumstances. And that's heartening for me. 

Black Swan MS

I learned about Black Swan events recently as they relate to investing. Multiple Sclerosis symptoms and progression seem to me to be personal Black Swan events. Nassim Nicholas Taleb developed the theory based on the history of black swans being thought of as an impossibility.  It was a known fact that they didn’t exist. So when black swans were discovered it was a surprise and significant, and in hindsight black swans seemed like something that people could have predicted or should have expected. 

Being diagnosed with MS was an enormous Black Swan event in my life. Suddenly the extreme fatigue, numbness and bowel issues that held no explanation for many years were obviously indications that something was wrong with my body. The signs were there, but I didn’t recognize them as related to each other or of any significance. Given how much these symptoms impacted my life, hindsight makes me seem foolish for not connecting them to a major health issue.

Most recently, my feet started buckling more frequently with a frustrating experience of losing the ability to walk temporarily. It surprised me.  It made me realize that MS is affecting my legs much more than I’d thought.  And in hindsight I remember all of the dismissible moments when my feet would buckle.  There were times when one foot would stop supporting me while standing among friends. Other times while walking, one foot would shift so that I lost my footing on flat ground and needed to catch myself. I just thought they were odd, one-off unexplainable experiences.  Now I recognize them as a very common MS symptom that I already knew about - spasticity. What is obvious to me now seems like it should have been obvious to me then. In my defense, the frequency and impact previously had been low.  Since they’ve increased, I see a pattern and progression.

Now that I know what’s happening, I can work with my doctor to try to offset how my body is behaving. I’m continuing to do stretching, strengthening and movement activities, and I’m adding medication, massage and physical therapy. My shoe choices are also changing to reduce embarrassment and possible injury.  It’ll take time and effort to see if I can change the course of how MS affects me.

It’s like reading a book or watching a movie where all will be revealed at the end.  I’m living in the middle of my story, and by the end the mysteries of my body will be pieced together, explained and understood.

Invisible MS Symptoms and How They Affect Relationships Even When They’re Subtle.

Being diagnosed with and living with a chronic incurable condition can test and change every relationship a person holds dear. Invisible symptoms are especially tricky. I know after my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis I didn’t want to burden others with my problems. Just because I had a life altering condition, I didn’t think it should affect everyone else.

One of the adult life lessons I’ve learned is that people who care about us WANT to help. Withholding our struggles increases stress on our part and creates a feeling of being pushed away on theirs. They hate feeling helpless. We do too, but we have more information at any point than they do.  Think about when you’re driving a car in inclement weather compared to when someone else is driving and you’re in the passenger seat.  When you’re driving, you know whether you have control of the vehicle or not. You know how well the brakes work, how alert you are, and how long it will take you to stop if something happens. A passenger has little information other than what they see and feel, and they have to rely on their trust in you. Having MS is like being the driver, and our friends are the passengers when it involves our health.

While their intentions to try to fix our problems, make us feel better, or help in any way they can may sometimes feel pushy and cause conflict, working through the unknown and developing a new relationship dynamic is well worth the effort. All of the relationships I still have today are intensely richer for the awkward conversations we’ve stuck with and the commitment we’ve made to interacting differently than we did before I was diagnosed.

Invisible symptoms like fatigue, pain, numbness, balance problems, bladder and bowel problems, cognitive issues and heat sensitivity can affect how we feel even when we think we’ve got it all under control. There are times when I think I’m doing fine or faking it well, and dear friends will say they notice I’m not feeling well. It’s especially impressive how well people know us when symptoms are subtle and we may not even realize we don’t feel as well as usual. For me I notice that my patience lessens and I have a tendency to feel more pressure from people by what they say.

I asked two dear friends what they had to say on this topic, and one said that what hurts her feelings is when I hold back and distance myself. I can justify it by saying I don’t want to worry her or bother her, but it’s more likely that I don’t feel like admitting I’m having an issue or that I’m not up for hearing advice in that moment. One skill I’ve tried to beef up is to recognize when I’m feeling pressure or don’t want to talk about something anymore and say so. I’ve noticed it’s harder to do this the longer I wait to say something, And while saying I’m not up for discussing something in that moment may hurt their feelings, I think it’s better than continuing to suffer silently. The other skill I’m working on is to tell them that while I’m not up for it in that moment that I do appreciate their concern and perspective. I also want to start saying that I think I can continue the conversation another time.

Being self-aware, communicating consciously and not reactively, and considering other people’s perspectives has made living and loving well with MS possible for me. It’s definitely improved my relationships, reduced my stress level and contributed to a life I love.

Aiming For A Bittersweet Life: The Liberation of Expecting To Become Disabled

Most health advice and guidance teach us what to do to avoid illness. I spent many years following all the advice and making my health a priority with diet and exercise. Once I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, my view of wellness expanded beyond just my physique, vitals and medical test results.  It now includes adventure, purpose, giving, gratitude, finances, outlook and relationships as well as physical fitness.

My outlook on my future has evolved to believing disability is inevitable for me if I don’t die young. There’s liberation in knowing disability awaits. While I continue to do things that improve my health, I’m embracing illness and aging. Assuming my body will decline someday has been freeing. I don’t live in fear. It’s like my leash has come off and I’m eager to do everything that requires physical mobility. I want to prioritize experiences and activities that depend on my body’s abilities and do them sooner than later.

I think of it as aiming for a bittersweet life to be positive. Living a positive life includes experiencing grief and anger and frustration. It's finding the beauty in all of those experiences that makes for a positive life. Sometimes when I'm feeling low the best thing to do is to watch a sad movie or listen to a song that breaks my heart because then I know I’m living all of life and not just the pleasant parts.

It’s not a negative perspective. It’s embracing the future as it could be given MS has no cure and the medications available today merely slow disease progression. Thinking positively doesn’t mean only hoping for the best outcome. It means assuming things will fall apart periodically and it’ll be okay. I’ll adapt. I’ll continue to find purpose and experience joy. All lives will end. A bittersweet life satisfies the wonderful and the heart wrenching, and I want to experience it all.

Part of embracing a future with an eroding body and disability is cultivating the skill of living well with loss. Get really good at it. I try not to sidestep it or just get through it but to genuinely embrace loss. My goal is to have had such a satisfying life with fulfilling relationships that there will be grief, but there will also be a sense of satisfaction that I didn’t hold back or miss out.

Positivity is not being happy; it's finding grace in that ugly terrible.  When I feel fear, I analyze it to figure out what it is I'm afraid of. My perspective is not just looking at the bright side of things. It's accepting the hard, challenging, frustrating and miserable as having their own form of beauty. 

Somewhat similar to physical agility where people are able to move and fall so that they don’t injure themselves and can get back up, I aim for emotional agility where I’m able to feel heartbreak and fear without it injuring or paralyzing me. The skill I spend the most time cultivating is experiencing pain, fear and discomfort without lashing out.

Since the day I was diagnosed with MS in 2008, I’ve become liberated and made myself and my goals priorities. Cultivating the skills to live through and embrace loss, find beauty in everything, and aim for the bittersweet has given me a positive perspective that works for me.

Wearing the Pretty Shoes While I Can and Experiencing MS Milestones

I saw a t-shirt once that said, “There will come a day when I cannot do this. Today is not that day.”

It holds true for everyone, but it’s especially poignant when living with a chronic debilitating disease. Disability may be inevitable for me. But it may not.  I can stave off these MS milestones as much as possible, but knowing that I may not be able to do things in the future motivates me to do what I can now.

I hit a frustrating MS milestone this week. I wore the absolutely most beautiful high-heeled shoes I’ve ever owned to a formal event. In hindsight I can see that after three hours of socializing and dancing that my feet cramped, my nerves quit firing correctly, and my MS symptoms took over. Usually the impacts are subtler. This time there was no mistake that MS had caused my ankles to buckle repeatedly. I could tell that my feet weren’t staying put or moving on command any longer. While standing still, one foot started to turn under against my will. I paused, tried to regroup, and took a step.  My right ankle buckled. I took the arm of a friend who supported me. I paused again to regroup and thought I could will my feet to cooperate. I took another step, and my left ankle buckled under me. Again grabbing my friend’s arm, I steadied myself and tried to regain composure. After a moment, I moved forward and both of my feet buckled. Then I realized this was MS. This was my MS, and no amount of will would override my feet not functioning.

Holding my friend’s arm and with her other arm around me, I steadied enough and realized I needed to remove my shoes. My ability to wear them that night was done.  I removed my shoes and walked barefoot to keep up with my friends. It took walking a distance of ten feet or so before I felt my feet would be able to cooperate again. Fortunately, my ankles weren’t giving way anymore. It was another hundred feet before my feet stopped spasming.

Practically speaking I think this tells me that I can wear high heels for walking and standing, but dancing in them may no longer be a good idea for me.

I was slightly embarrassed that people seeing me stumble may think I was drunk. I wasn’t drunk, but it’s a reasonable conclusion given the venue and the party atmosphere. Once I’d moved on to another area of the party, I figured people just assumed my shoes were uncomfortable and I was carrying them because I didn’t want to walk in them anymore.

I realize people may think that it’s not a loss to not be able to wear high heels. It’s true that I can have a wonderful life wearing flats. It’s also true that some people have no interest in wearing unconventional, impractical shoes. But to me there’s a difference between not choosing to wear them and not being able to wear them anymore. Yes, people may judge me as self-sabotaging with this, but I think with all life lessons we do what we can until we can’t anymore.  How we find out we can’t do something anymore varies, and sometimes we require numerous opportunities to learn the lesson before we change our ways.

I will keep wearing the impractical shoes when and where I can. I will also start looking for beautiful lower heeled shoes that still make me feel special. I’m glad I made a conscious effort after I was diagnosed with MS to start wearing shoes that were fancier and less practical. I want to take the opportunity to do things and be who I want for at least portions of my life. I think it’s better to have done it and remember having done it than to regret never trying.

This is bigger for me than the shoes. It’s an indicator of the many things I may lose as I age with MS. I know the risks, and I’m taking the chance even when it triggers symptoms. It’s walking a fine line of doing what’s good for me and doing some things that may be physically difficult but emotionally nurturing. I already feel older than my years given I deal with daily inconveniences that people I know 10-20 years older than I experience. I don’t want to give up things until it’s clear that it’s best for me or the consequences become too great. For me the consequence of triggering a pseudo exacerbation, where symptoms act up but no new disease activity occurs, are acceptable. Reflecting on this experience leads me to believe this was a pseudo exacerbation. I know this because the symptoms were temporary. While my fatigue and stress levels have been elevated for some time, I've been able to keep them manageable with lots of self-care.

Pushing myself to the point of triggering an exacerbation with new lesions is not worth it to me. Knowing when my actions are one or the other is tough to discern, but it gets easier each year.  I pay close attention to my body and how it responds to what I do, eat or think, and I think I’m able to tell the difference now. And throughout this life journey, I’m going to enjoy each step of the way, recognize limits as they emerge, and adjust as I can. But I’m going to make a special effort to do a lot of things now that I may not be able to do someday. So far, today is not that day.

Read Wearing the Pretty Shoes: Part II for more on shoes.

New Year’s Resolutions, Taking Stock & Creating a Personal Health Reference Manual

I used to think it was more important to just do things than to track them, but now I see the value in writing them down and acknowledging how far I’ve come over time. When the calendar year ratchets up and I think of myself as another year older, it’s a natural time to reflect and make goals. I like to review what I’ve accomplished, endured, thwarted and nurtured. When I’m feeling like I have a lot I still want to do, knowing how far I’ve come is a reality check for my expectations.

I aim for full life wellness, and I categorize my areas of wellness as health, home, relationships, finances, creativity and adventure.  At all times, I try to have at least one goal for each area. I like to incorporate small activities in my life that move me toward achieving my goals, and I like doing one or two large projects at a time that leap me forward on a goal.  Depending on my levels of energy and obligations, I’ll do a little or a lot on the larger projects. I try to establish and maintain balance in my life without sacrificing or ignoring another aspect of my life. My overarching goal is to keep working toward something while appreciating who, where and what I am now.

My 2017 Resolution: Take stock.

I think it’s helpful to take stock.  To think about what made me happy in the past, what I love about the present, and what I would like my life to be soon or someday. Committing those thoughts and ambitions to paper or a digital file allows me to look back over time to see if I still want the same things in life now that I thought I wanted in the past.

I’m taking stock figuratively and literally. I’m pouring through all of my personal belongings, my finances, my routines and my data. I’m compiling the things I’ve learned over the years since I don’t always remember something when I encounter it again. This will focus my attention on what I have, what I could adapt to use differently, what I still want, and what I’d like to upgrade for the perfect fit.

My hard copy health tracking information to compile

My Personal Health Reference Manual

A big project I’d like to accomplish this year is compiling all of my health information for things I’ve experienced, tried and currently use. I aim to create and maintain a binder for all the ways I keep my health in check. It will include all the successful and unsuccessful treatments.

The idea for this project came to me after my hip started hurting. I know that my hip can hurt when I jog longer distances, and I could tell that I’d overdone it. I believe the cause is foot drop that slightly affects my gait when I jog and triggers a misalignment in my hips to compensate.  In the past, I’d curbed my distances to deal with it. Sadly, it took hurting my hip twice in a month and six weeks of recovery time before it occurred to me I’d dealt with this before!  I remembered that I had physical therapy exercises from seven years ago that helped heal my hip from the same problem.  My hope is that using these exercises will not only allow me to heal my hip faster but prevent future injury and allow me to work back up to longer distances again.

This experience made me realize I need a personalized easy-reference health manual to manage my health with less stress. MS affects each person differently, and it requires constant adaptation to live successfully with MS. I want to reduce the amount of time spent enduring something and wracking my brain figuring out what will work for me in order to hasten effective treatment. An up to date personalized health reference manual will help.

The information I want to compile will include the following:

Conditions, Symptoms, and Injuries

1. Indicators, triggers and causes

2. Preventative measures including lifestyle choices, nutrition and activities

3. Treatments including prescriptions, exercises, and natural remedies

     Pros
     Cons
     When it’s effective
     When it’s not effective
     Why I choose this (or don’t)

4. Experiences with this issue - what’s worked or failed

5. Theories for why my body reacts a certain way - correlations proven and disproven

Sources of information I’ll use to compile this reference manual include:

• Tracking calendars of health data and disease modifying drugs
• Notes I’ve taken at health appointments
• Physical therapy treatments and exercises 
• My memory
• Books and internet resources that can trigger my memory for things I’ve tried but didn’t write down.
• Medical records from doctors

I’ve included a couple of examples at the end of this post that I’ve put together so far. It’s tailored to my health and experiences, so yours will look different. It’s also a work in progress, so I’ll keep adding and editing it as time passes and I change.

I wish I was low maintenance. Sadly, as I’ve aged I’m getting to be higher and higher maintenance. I joke that at least I’m doing the maintenance and not pushing that responsibility onto other people!

That said, if I do ever need help with my health, this will be a great tool for anyone helping me.  They’ll know what I've already tried, what works, and what hasn’t worked. I won't need to start from scratch with each new provider. 

This is organizing my health from my information and experiences. It frees me from relying on information from the web each time I confront an issue. Sometimes the information can just be too much, and what will help me gets lost in the mass of opinions and recommendations. This is organizing around me and benefiting from the decades of experience I have being me.

Examples of pages from my Personal Health Reference Manual:

(Apologies for the formatting. Blogger is a bit tedious and not very accommodating for this.)