You Look Good, You Must Be Doing Well!

I hear it whenever I see someone I haven’t seen in a while.  “You look good, you must be doing well!”

Thank you. Really. But I’m not really doing well. I’m doing everything I can think of to try to feel better.  Things like eating healthy, being active, getting sleep, socializing, and connecting with loved ones. I’m sitting in the sun for vitamin D, and it gives me a bit of color while sun bleaching my hair a bit.  All of these efforts make me look good. 

I’m researching my symptoms and doing the things suggested to slow my MS progression. I’m stretching, swimming and jogging.  People have assumed that because I’m able to be active that I’m doing well.  I'm active because it feels good, but I’m also active because I’m scared that my muscles will atrophy if I don’t. My muscles already hurt constantly, and all of my efforts aren’t enough to alleviate the pain or stop the jerky movements. My muscles are likely to atrophy over time in spite of my efforts, but I hope to slow the progression as much as I can. I’ve always strived to live a healthy lifestyle, but now it feels nonnegotiable.  It’s mandatory self-maintenance.  Whatever happens, at least I’ll know I did all I could.   

Someone recently told me that my prognosis was better than someone else’s because, “You have a good attitude, and at least you can control your MS somewhat.” I believe she meant well and was trying to assure herself that I’ll be fine. But it’s an uninformed assessment.  MS has no cure.  People with MS aren’t disabled because they didn’t do enough to stay healthy. There are a lot of theories and anecdotes for what helps, but nothing’s been proven to halt or cure the disease yet.  Each person’s disease progression is unknown and unpredictable. It’s really just the luck of the draw for how severely MS affects each person over time.

Thankfully I don’t look as bad as I feel. And it’s nice the things that help me combat my MS symptoms make me look better. So like Bill Murray says in Caddyshack, I got that going for me which is nice.