New Year’s Reflection

One thing to remember about New Year’s resolutions: They are not required.  If you don’t want to make any, don’t.  I like them for the feeling of a fresh start and hope for a better future, but I also know that I need to be ready before I make a change. If I try before I’m ready, it will end with feelings of failure and guilt. 

Coming out of the holiday season, I recognize I did a lot, and I don’t feel like I took enough time to rest and recharge. Now it’s January, there are many things to do, and I’m not feeling completely ready. I’ve been too busy getting things done each day to take a step back and look longer term. 

My first step for the year is to grant myself grace. I’ve scheduled time to reflect, and I aim to decide what I want to do this coming year. 

Instead of jumping to the step of deciding what to change, I want to take time to consider last year and how I’m doing. These questions help me evaluate my life as it is now:

1. What did I love about last year? Why?
2. What was challenging or annoying? Why was it hard?
3. What did I learn? How can that lesson help me in the future?
4. Where in my life did I improve or lapse? Why do I think it changed?
5. Was there anything I needed or wanted that I didn’t have? Is it possible to have them?  If so, how would it be possible?  If not, do I need them?
6. How does answering these questions make me feel?

When distinguishing between what I need to do and what I want to do, I often think of the 1999 movie, “Office Space,” where the main character hates his job and decides not to go to work anymore. He doesn’t much care for paying bills either. He’s just not going to do them anymore. When asked if he’ll quit his job, he says no, he’s just not going to go anymore. It works out for him, hilariously and brilliantly.  

It wouldn’t for us, but the ridiculousness of it is a good lesson.  There are things we categorize as mandatory, but really, we just don’t want the consequences not doing them might bring. We still get to choose, although they seem like no-brainer decisions. I’m very aware that health issues severely limit options, so please know this distinction between need and want applies differently for each person. Take it or leave it as it helps you in your own life. 

For me, it helps to remember I’m not required to live the life I’m living. The things I love about my life are worth cultivating, and the challenging things deserve attention. I have choices. Knowing that, I look at how I answered the questions above, and it opens up the range of options available. 

There have been years when I needed to make really big changes, and some took a long time before I was ready to make them. All of them have led to me living a life I love more than the one I was living. I like the me I’ve become, and I’m excited to keep learning, growing, and evolving. As far as any resolutions go for this this year, I’ll make them when I’m ready. 

Wishes for Wellness

Bright lights on buildings and cool decorations

Brighten the landscape and cause a sensation

Snail mail and email share tidings and cheer

Wishes for wellness and Happy New Year

Kindness from strangers and heartfelt connection

Show us what matters and trigger reflection

Posts on the social show who they hold dear

Wishes for wellness and Happy New Year

Visit with loved ones and arrive gift bearing

Delight in giving while sharing and caring 

Joy, peace and goodwill for those far and near

Wishes for wellness and Happy New Year

When fatigue hits

When the stress rears

When I’m overwhelmed

Focus on what matters, let go of the rest, 

and deem the season success!

This was written for fun to be sung to the tune of “My Favorite Things,” by Oscar Hammerstein II and Richard Rodgers in their musical, “The Sound of Music.”  Take good care, all!

Moments Matter

Have you ever been in a mood and had something happen that changed it in a moment? It happens a lot, and some moments stick through the years. 

I recall being at work years ago, and cheerfully saying, “Good morning!” They responded quickly and sharply, “What’s good about it?” 

I don’t remember how I responded then, but I still think about how it startled me. I felt like I’d done something wrong, and I wasn’t sure what. My mood swiftly dropped from happy to resentful.  This memory helped me learn the life lesson that we’re all living different experiences, and lots of interactions have nothing to do with us. 

The same holds true for the ability of strangers to lift my spirits.  I regularly recall the child who years ago mistook me for their mom.  While I perused the shelves at eye level, I felt a tight hug around my legs paired with, “I love you.”  The child looked up at me and realized I wasn’t their mom. They quickly released me and ran to their mom in embarrassment.  Their mom and I exchanged a quick smile and assurance all was fine. I was left surprised by how good it felt to receive love that wasn’t even meant for me. I was grappling with immensely difficult life circumstances, and that moment lifted me up in a way I really needed at the time. 

My mood shifts between highs and lows throughout the year, but it can feel even more intense during the holiday season. I’m physically managing intensified Multiple Sclerosis symptoms, and I’m emotionally managing some sadness that the holidays often bring. I’m often interacting with more people than usual and pushing myself to do more than my usual routine.  The stakes seem higher, and I anticipate I won’t always be at my best. Similarly, every other person out there has their own world of stress, hardship, and expectations. 

This isn’t earth-shattering, surprising insight, but reminders to think beyond my thoughts help me when I’m having a hard time. Considering how hard life is for many helps me be more patient and compassionate. When I aim to spread kindness, I feel better about myself. When I feel better about myself, I’m more likely to spread kindness. That feels good.

Look Forward to Something

Fall where I live means shorter days, less sunlight, more rain, and colder weather. I realized after my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis, that seasonal shifts to spring and fall are times when I’m more susceptible to MS exacerbations. I used to worry about it, and it’s taken a lot of effort to feel more confident approaching seasonal changes.

My usual approach is:

1. When things are tough, take inventory of what’s tough, what will help, and what’s helped before; and

2. Look forward to something.

For the first item in my approach, check out my post, Seasonal Well-Being Checklists, for some practical tips for coping with season changes. With this post, I’ll focus on the second one: Looking forward to something.  

It’s easy to focus on the season's challenges, but it’s helpful to acknowledge and take advantage of the benefits.

Shorter days mean sunrises are later in the morning, and I’m more likely to be awake to enjoy them. Many of my favorite sunrise photographs and moments of enjoying them were in the fall. Earlier sunsets and darkness also make it less difficult to get to bed and fall asleep. 

Shorter days also mean earlier sunset and darkness. I chased the Aurora Borealis in May this year and managed to see them spectacularly.  That evening I saw them lightly at 10:00 pm and stayed up until 1:30 am to capture the show.  It took a toll on me staying up so late, and it was worth it to me to see them for the first time. Tonight, I saw them at 8:00 pm and am still able to go to bed at a decent hour. They might not be as incredible this time, but I loved it and won’t need a couple days to recover from staying up late. 

Colder weather means I’m more comfortable outside and don’t need to worry about heat-induced MS symptoms. When the weather isn’t as warm and sunny, I feel less pressure to be outside. Spending time indoors feels more cozy, comforting, and relaxing. 

October brings Halloween and autumn foliage. Seeing photos from friends and family of kids enjoying the fall season is delightful. I love seeing their pumpkin patch outings, apple orchard picking, and Halloween costumes. I enjoy giving candy to trick-or-treaters and admiring their costumes. 

Early autumn brings low-pressure Thanksgiving and Christmas planning. Planning early for decorations, cards, gifts, and get-togethers can be done with excited anticipation rather than last-minute anxiety and stress. 

When I focus on what I enjoy with the season, it brightens my outlook and makes coping with challenges a bit easier. 

DIY Self-Care

Self-care: Anything that nourishes me physically or emotionally, 

reduces stress, or improves my well-being.

Self-care is necessary and often neglected. That said, it only feels neglected when we’re feeling stressed, overloaded, or having a hard time. It’s important to give ourselves credit for all we do to care for ourselves and others every day.  Perspective matters. If we remember how much we’re already doing, it’s easier to show compassion for ourselves. 

Self-care by definition means taking an active role in taking care of ourselves, physically and emotionally. It implies it’s solely a Do It Yourself (DIY) responsibility. When feeling overwhelmed or not well, it’s natural to believe the answer is to just try harder. This is when we need to remember we’re like a DIY home project: we can’t and don’t need to do it all on our own. 

DIY home projects include decorating, renovating, repairing, and maintaining our homes without hiring a professional. We wouldn’t expect our homes to be well-maintained or improve without effort. If we can’t afford to hire professionals, we need to know or learn how to do it ourselves. I’ve done a lot of DIY home projects, and all of them involved using tools, materials, and knowledge created or compiled by others. 

Those of us without great financial wealth serve as our own personal chef, housekeeper, chauffeur, financial advisor, accountant, and fitness trainer. When we recognize how much we do in all of these and other roles, we should consider ourselves daily superheroes! 

I like remembering self-care is DIY, because it reminds me to prioritize it. I have people who care about me and will help, but ultimately, I need to be responsible for identifying and addressing my needs. If I don’t know what I need, and I don’t share what I need, no one can help. If I’m clear on what I need and I need help, I can ask for help. If I ask for help, it’s possible to get help. 

I’m a fan of getting credit for what I’m already doing. Sometimes feeling better isn’t about doing more or being pampered, it’s about how I perceive myself, the life I’m living, and the people in it. Sometimes I interpret a busy day as rushed, challenging, and frustrating, and others I judge it as productive and rewarding. The difference between rewarding days is usually that I tended to my physical and mental needs. I took moments throughout the day to hydrate, stretch, use the restroom, look away from a computer monitor, and connect with people with interest and compassion. 

It’s helpful to reflect each day, and I use the following questions to help assess how I’m doing and consider what will help me with my self-care:  

• What nourished me today physically and emotionally?
• How did I show compassion for myself or others?
• If I’m feeling low, do I need to make a change or get help?
• What did I do today for strength, flexibility, or movement?
• Did I hydrate and eat food with fiber and nutrients?
• What was stressful today, and what would help? 

These aren’t pass-fail questions. They’re helpful as a self-care tool for reflecting and being honest with myself. Knowing I’m going to consider them helps me include healthy habits throughout the day. Answering them helps me decide how best to tend to my needs. 

Some days self-care will mean resting without guilt. Others are pushing myself to achieve something that fulfills my sense of accomplishment and purpose. Self-care sometimes requires striking a task from the list without doing it. All of these situations and decisions are worth celebrating as successful self-care.

Keep Moving

If you can’t run, then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, stretch, or flex. Just keep moving.

Living an active lifestyle can be a challenge in the best of circumstances. Add living with Multiple Sclerosis symptoms such as fatigue, foot drop, and heat sensitivity, and it’s generally frustrating and takes more effort to stay motivated. Factor in adverse weather conditions, and it’s a huge undertaking to override the urge to be sedentary.

With MS, it’s common for symptoms to act up when the body temperature increases. That’s why hot weather is one of the many obstacles to staying active. When I was still learning how MS affected my body, it was scary when a jog led to body numbness from the neck down and an inability to control my feet reliably.  Over time, I learned to differentiate between heat and exertion-induced pseudo-exacerbations that would subside within an hour or so after I cooled down and disease-progressing exacerbations that last much longer. 

It helps me to remember that my body needs movement, and all of the reasons to not exercise don’t change that. 

What to do with this immutable fact?  Remember creativity and flexibility are superpowers to draw upon for living with health issues and less-than-ideal conditions.

I’m not apt to follow a strict fitness regimen, because I need to respect my body’s ever-changing needs. A menu of exercise options with various exertion levels is useful for right-sizing activity to accommodate my MS symptoms of the day. The same approach is true for the weather.  During a heat wave, my body might be okay with outdoor activities if it’s in the shade, there’s a breeze, or scheduled before or after the hottest parts of the day. Varying exertion levels help too. I may not be up for a jog, but a walk might be doable. When it’s not conducive outside due to extreme heat or smoke, I’ll use the yoga mat inside for some stretching and strength movements. 

When creating your activity menu options, consider the following:

• What do I already do or like to do, and how can I keep doing it? What accommodations will help?
• What do I want to do, and what would it take to do it?
• Which combination of benefits, location, type, and exertion level will work on this day?
• Benefits: movement, strength, stretch, balance
• Location: outside, inside, gym, pool, trails
• Type of Activity: gardening, housework, playing with kids, biking, hiking, walking, dance, yoga
• Exertion level: most activities can be done gently or with high intensity, quickly or slowly.  

Using yoga as an example, yoga can be done with a range of exertion, location, and benefits. There are endless variations including high-intensity hot yoga in a heated studio, Acroyoga classes with a partner, moderate-intensity yoga focusing on flexibility and strength, low-intensity yoga focusing on relaxation and breath work, chair yoga, and even bed yoga.  They can be done in a class setting or at home following videos or free-form and self-guided. If one type or location doesn’t work on a specific day, another will. 

Seek inspiration everywhere and use what you can to keep going. While the following was said for much grander and more important social issues, I think of it whenever I need motivation. 

“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

I’ve modified it for fitness purposes to be:

If you can’t run, then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, stretch, or flex. Just keep moving.

The other saying that helps me feel grateful for all I can still do seems to be loosely based on a quote from Tolkien’s Return of the King:

“There will come a day when I cannot do this. Today is not that day.”

Seeking Hope

Finding my new normal was my initial goal when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I didn’t know what I’d need to know to live well with MS, but I held faith that I would learn what I could when I was ready. My hope was to live as well as possible with MS. Both faith and hope are deeply reliant on me to do what I can.  

The fact is I’ve had periods of holding it together, phases hoping to come out of a lot of MS symptoms, and moments where I feel like I’m rocking this life and doing fabulously. 

Early in my diagnosis, I sought out every resource I could find. I read all the books related to MS in the local library, I joined the local MS Self-Help group, and I followed my neurologist’s advice. I monitored my symptoms and tried to make sense of a confusing and inconsistent illness. I searched the internet to learn all I could about MS and what helps. My health was a project to solve, and I treated it like a second full-time job. The urgency to figure out what could help was stressful, but I think it was a necessary phase of adjusting to life with a chronic illness. All of these efforts helped me become more hopeful.

Scientific studies conclude those of us living with chronic illness have a better quality of life when we have hope. When we’re optimistic, we believe our efforts can make a difference. Having hope helps combat stress and anxiety. 

When lacking hope or feeling pessimistic, we’re less likely to think our efforts matter. Either way, what we believe matters for our mental and physical health when dealing with adversity.  

We can’t fully control or count on a constant level of hope. Accepting our highs and lows as normal can help ease some of the stress of living with MS. Monitoring our mood and stress level can help us notice when we’re feeling less hopeful. What we need in those times differs for each of us, and they vary depending on what’s challenging us at that moment. 

What do I need, and what might help? 

Sometimes I need to research the symptoms that are challenging me, and others I need to talk to someone who will listen. Some moments benefit from taking a breath, stretching, and looking inward. Other moments are best served by looking outward and thinking about something other than myself. Each moment’s feeling is unique, and each needs its own plan of action. My not-so-new normal is only consistent for seeking hope and accepting the path is always changing.