Including Stillness as a Fitness Goal

April is National Stress Awareness Month, and it's a perfect reminder for me to
check in with my stress level.  It's an extra busy month for me each year meeting professional and personal commitments while accommodating my health needs.

I recently did a 15-minute High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) workout, and I followed it with a guided meditation of the same duration.  When I found myself needing more willpower to stay engaged during the meditation portion than I needed during the high-exertion portion, it occurred to me I really needed to work on calming my mind more.  

Averaging 30 minutes of exercise per day is a common recommendation to maintain good physical health. This is a goal I try to meet, and I usually accomplish it each month. For years I've tracked and categorized exercise as Movement, Stretch, and Strength, and I've aimed to get a mix of them. Those were the types of exercise I valued most. After seeing how much effort it took me to meditate, I knew I needed to add stillness to my daily tracking. It's just as important for physical and mental health as nutrition, exercise, and sleep.  

I'd rather aim for stillness than meditation in my daily goals because it feels less specific. I don't have a minimum time threshold or prescribed body position to meet my stillness goal.  Ways I've included stillness are varied and limitless:

• I've rested reclined on the sofa while wearing a heated eye mask. With a timer set for five minutes, it's a calming and rejuvenating way to help offset screen time impacts. 
• Taking a moment to close my eyes, relax my body, and take a deep breath makes a huge difference in my stress level when I'm wound up. 
• Guided meditations of every sort are available online. Finding one with a tempo, time duration, and pleasing voice can take some time, but there are plenty! They are also wonderful for helping me stay focused and still for a longer time than I would on my own. 
• Years ago, I participated in a meditation circle once a week. I still recall it fondly and cherish that time in my life. It was a delightful combination of stillness, quieting my mind, and connection with dear friends. 
• I've loved yoga classes for movement, strength, and stretching, but I've overlooked the value of breath work and savasana (resting at the end). Quieting the mind after full body movement encourages a peaceful spirit.  

Adding stillness as a fitness goal has emboldened me to practice it more often, and calm moments are more frequent. Thank goodness!

What My MS Diagnosis Taught Me

My Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis was sudden and unexpected. Unlike others who undergo years of testing, monitoring, and uncertainty, my diagnosis occurred within two months after a major MS exacerbation. While it was a turbulent and scary experience, at least it was relatively quick.  

Because my diagnosis was swift and not anticipated, I learned serious illness can be invisible. Being healthy and having a chronic illness can both be true in the same body.  Things are not what they appear. Ultimately, I learned my normal wasn’t normal.  

My diagnosis taught me there would likely be drastic physical, irreversible consequences if I continued to live my life as I had been. Because I had so many lesions in my spinal cord and hadn’t recognized my MS symptoms for what they were, I realized MS had damaged my body for years before my diagnosis. This made it clear to me that regularly working long hours, pushing myself to exhaustion, and putting other people’s needs before my own would lead to further disease progression and disability. I understood there would be things I couldn’t control, and in the best of circumstances I may not be able to change the course of my disease, but I was determined to give it my best shot to change the trajectory of my health.  

It’s been a long, methodical process changing my life to align with my body’s needs, and I’m fortunate it’s made a difference. It’s been scary, and I learned I can gather the courage I need to get through the scariness. It’s been exhausting, and I learned I can and must build rest into my schedule. It’s been heartbreaking, and I learned the right relationships will accept and adapt to change. I learned I can live with people’s disappointment, and I learned people who truly care for me won’t be disappointed when relationships, plans, and expectations need to change for my well-being.

I learned I could still have ambition, but I needed to have realistic and compassionate expectations for myself. I realized I was the one putting a lot of pressure on myself, and I learned I can live with disappointment when I can’t do everything I want. I wanted to be a superwoman, and I learned I needed to rethink my goals. I learned I can still have purpose, fulfillment, and tremendous joy by accommodating my body’s needs. 

In more than 15 years since my surprise MS diagnosis, I’ve changed my partner, my home, and my career path. It’s been a wild ride dealing with challenges, improving my self-awareness, and adapting continuously. I didn’t choose this life, but I’ve chosen how to live it. 

I’ve matured, evolved, and become more myself than I ever would have allowed without this initial diagnosis and subsequent journey. My relationships, career, and experiences have far exceeded those I imagined before my MS diagnosis. 

To anyone experiencing a new MS diagnosis, I wish for you all you need to navigate an extremely challenging life event. I hope you have or find people to support you in your journey, and I hope you find contentment and fulfillment within the limits of things beyond your control. I promise it’s possible. 

Judgment Can Help or Hinder

What do I wish others knew about living with Multiple Sclerosis? I wish they knew their judgment can help or hinder us.

Everyone judges, and it’s not a bad thing. We all have opinions, hopes, fears, disappointments, appreciation, admiration, frustration, and expectations. They come through in our interactions even when trying to hide them. It’s not about the judgment, it’s about how it’s expressed. Whether that judgment comes through as cheerleading or criticizing matters.

Fears, disappointment, frustration, and unmet expectations can be helpful when approached with compassion and interest. They’ll drive a wedge if expressed as disapproval.

Hopes, appreciation, and admiration can be encouraging when allowing for imperfection. The same can be destructive when interpreted as conditioned upon things beyond our control.     

We know we’re being judged. We judge ourselves too. We compare ourselves to others. We wonder if we’re doing enough and if what we’re doing makes a difference. We judge ourselves for our successes, shortcomings, achievements, and failures. We live with grief for what we’ve lost and what we might lose. Living with MS is relentless and exhausting, and we judge ourselves for our ability to manage it.

If you’re feeling frustrated with someone with MS or want to improve your relationship, consider how you feel about our MS. Do you accept it? Do you feel like we’d do better if we’d just do what you advise? Do you resent how it affects us? How you answer those questions is telling, but there’s no perfect answer. Being self-aware and considering how you express your feelings can be a starting point for improving any relationship.  

If these questions feel invasive, consider a person with MS or any chronic illness lives with a societal norm where our health, life choices, and daily decisions are open game for group discussion and unsolicited advice with the best of intentions to help. The conversation isn’t inherently awful, but it is only productive when done with genuine respect.

Your judgment can be a teammate helping us navigate our challenges, or it can be an authority figure to avoid. You get to choose.