Self-Guided Summer Fun

When looking for things to do in the summer months, I think of my favorite experiences and memories. Some were big, pricey events with lots of planning, and some cost next to nothing, were memorable for some reason, and were special for who I did them with.

This summer I’ll have close family visit me. Our primary goals are to spend time together and relax. Still, it’s the perfect opportunity to create an indulgent staycation for me and a fun vacation for them. They’ve already visited many times, so my goal is to do more of what we’ve enjoyed in the past and find new experiences for us to enjoy together.

It’s interesting playing tourist in my own town. Things I enjoy and may take for granted, I see differently, imagining how they seem to visitors. Many of the museum and library-sponsored events are inexpensive or by donation, and they’re happy to have people participate.  Searching social media or the web using the name of a place and “things to do” or “self-guided tours” has revealed a ton of ideas. There are plenty to choose from for artwork, history, architecture, and culturally significant places. I love self-guided tours because I can do some or all of them at my own pace. If I do it fully, great. If I only check out a couple of places on the itinerary, that’s great too.

Tours I’ve enjoyed in the past locally and in other cities have included haunted history, historical murals, low-tide ocean wildlife, and street art. Each experience teaches me something and helps me see the world around me in a new way.

I see a few tours that can meld well into plans of being outside, eating good food, and spending time together.  None require a lot of planning, and plans can change if we’re not up for something. Whatever we do, I know we’ll be glad to be together.

My Inner Cheerleader

“The reward of a thing well done is having done it.” 

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sure, Ralph. Sometimes, having something done well is enough. It’s a relief to have it off the to-do list. It’s not nagging at me, and I’m not stressing about doing it anymore.

But sometimes I still need acknowledgment for my hard work. A quiet nod or smile to myself in recognition: a star or smiley face drawn in my journal.

A lot of living with Multiple Sclerosis for me is invisible, and the effort it takes to prevent or delay physical decline is huge.

Fatigue and spasticity are constant companions, yet no one else sees them. Perhaps thinking of having my inner cheerleader join us could help. She can help motivate me when I need a nudge and celebrate my efforts.

Yesterday, I used calf massagers, I stretched, hydrated, took my supplements and medications, and I went for a walk. These are all efforts to offset spasticity in my legs and try to maintain longer-term mobility and flexibility. They take time and effort, and they help. They don’t rid me of pain, though. And none of these efforts are monumental or worth shouting from the rooftops.

Bring in my inner cheerleader.

Great job, Stacie! You’re doing great! Way to do the hard stuff when you’re tired, and you don’t feel like it! You can do this!

Fatigue and spasticity, I didn’t invite you. You’re here, and you’re clearly staying. I’m bringing in a new friend to this group. Cheerleader, welcome to the party!

Singing for Wellness

Last year, my naturopath suggested I take deep breaths each day, and I agreed it would be good for me. I approached it like a prescription and made sure to do it. I followed guided meditations, and they were fine. I’d set a timer and count deep breaths in and out to meet the goal. It seemed good for me, but I didn’t love it or look forward to it.

Then I had an “aha moment.” I’ve long wanted to improve my singing, and I realized I could make progress with singing AND practice breathwork in a way I’d enjoy.

My inspiration was a music app. It would allow me to do breathwork and improve my musical knowledge and skills.  Most importantly, it could be fun. I’ve now been doing singing lessons for a few minutes each day for 22 weeks. Because I want to keep my streak, I make sure I do it every day. I love that it’s a bite-sized daily commitment, and it’s doable.

My ambition isn’t to be great. I want to learn, improve, and silence the voice in my head saying I’m awful at singing.

I also know that for me, breathwork isn’t just a good idea. I need it to offset my overactive mind, and it’s helpful to monitor how my MS symptoms are behaving.

During a difficult time some years ago, when stress was extremely high and MS symptoms were acting up, I realized my lung capacity and throat muscles weren’t operating as usual.

It took multiple and focused efforts to blow out a candle wick. I couldn’t blow up a balloon. I didn’t have enough breath to sing through some of the longer notes and verses of favorite songs. Swallowing pills was harder. They wouldn’t always go down, and it took more effort and patience to take my daily supplements. None of these things had been a problem before.

MS can hinder any ability that relies on the central nervous system. Any means of improving plasticity and creating new pathways is extra helpful.

I’m trying to improve in a lot of areas where I know MS makes me vulnerable.  My hope is to learn new skills, get stronger, and become more resilient when facing challenges. I aim to allow more room for aging and for losing abilities, so I can live as well as I can for as long as possible. It can sound depressing, and that’s why it’s even more important to me to have fun while I put effort into it.

Singing daily is making me happy, and it's
just one habit that improves my wellness now and hopefully for years to come.

Bittersweet Advocacy

I’m proud to advocate on behalf of Multiple Sclerosis issues, and I aim to normalize discussing human health experiences without shame. If we live long enough, almost all of us will experience big health issues, and learning from others is a huge help for navigating them.

I’ve participated in Bike MS, Meat Fight, Walk MS, and self-help group leadership. I write openly about my MS experience, I contribute regularly to MSAA’s blog MS Conversations, and I let my community, colleagues, and legislators know that I have MS. I’m happy to answer questions and have spoken to newly diagnosed people and family members quite a few times over the years. If I’m the only person they know with MS and they would like to chat, I’m there for them. They’ll have a unique MS experience, and I want to support them in their journey. I’m eager to encourage kinship, help where I can, and remove any cloak of shame regarding health issues.

That said... sometimes I get uncomfortable. When it feels like it’s putting me in a poster child position, I get emotional. Those are the moments when I am sad that I have MS and live a life where I have to deal with it daily.

While riding the Bike MS victory lap that celebrates and honors those of us with MS, I was proud to be there supporting the cause. I’m immensely grateful I’m doing well and can participate as an example of people living well with MS. I also got very anxious before the ride. People were looking at me, and they were cheering me on. Their kindness spurred a counterintuitive response in me.

My emotions went into overdrive with a mix of opposing feelings. I held back tears as I processed my feelings and tried to understand why it felt different from other advocacy efforts.  

Sure, I felt like I was on display, which can be discomforting, but I don’t think that was it. I think it was because I recognized the magnitude of what participating means to me. I was overwhelmed, feeling simultaneous pride for participating in a cause I support greatly and sorrow for personally needing MS-focused philanthropy to give me hope.

Just reading this last sentence aloud while reviewing and editing this post makes me emotional. MS-focused philanthropy gives me hope, and I’m sad I need it.

At the event, I was glad to participate in the ride and relieved when it was over. I liked being back among everyone supporting the cause and blending into the crowd again.

Friends with MS have expressed their happiness with how well I’m doing and have told me they appreciate my advocacy efforts. One dear friend and mentor who’d lived with MS for at least 20 years longer than I had lovingly called me a poster child for MS. She saw my efforts as giving hope and representing the cause well, and I greatly appreciate that.  I know my health is due to hard work and a lot of luck, and I hope to encourage and support others in any way I can. I also aim to learn and grow from every other person with MS I encounter.

I wasn’t unnerved when she used the term "poster child," because it was a one-on-one conversation, and I felt the love and admiration she exuded as she said it. I was honored to hold her regard, given how much she had comforted and inspired me through the years.

I’ve been living with MS and advocating for MS issues since 2008, and how I participate varies. I wish I could do more, but I consistently contribute in ways that align with my interests, abilities, energy level, and time available. There are plenty of ways to advocate, and it makes me feel good to give back to a community that has helped me so much. It’s bittersweet advocacy.

Intention & Expectations

Lately, I’ve been pausing periodically throughout each day to ask myself, “How do I want to show up today?”

It only takes a moment, just enough time for a brief inhale and exhale. It allows me to shake loose whatever thoughts are running through my mind and start fresh. I like to imagine I’m shaking a marked-up Etch-A-Sketch toy to create a clean surface ready for whatever I want to draw.

It helps me put myself in a frame of mind where I can be more compassionate toward people. I always want to be nice, but sometimes I’m too busy thinking about my own problems to notice how I’m coming across to others. 

Visible and invisible disabilities, trauma, loss, grief, turmoil, and mental health issues are abundant. The majority of people have experienced traumatic events, many people are currently living with difficult life circumstances, and some are just having a bad day. Remembering this puts me in a mindset to grant more grace when someone doesn’t behave well. 

When I ask myself how I want to show up, it helps me remember that I’m not at the mercy of circumstances and other people’s moods. It reminds me that how I act will influence how people respond to me. It helps me prepare for tough interactions and stressful situations. It’s helped me to listen more attentively, be more compassionate, and respond better when I’m not consumed by my thoughts. 

When I know I’m not at my best for whatever reason, it makes a huge difference. It shifts my focus from the thoughts in my head to my behavior, and then I have the option to intentionally influence what happens next. 

In stressful times or when I feel like others aren’t considering my needs, I know I need to work harder to avoid reacting in ways I don’t like. It doesn’t mean I need to be perfect, just responsible for my behavior. 

Aiming for perfection is impossible. I know, because I tried really hard to be perfect for a long time. It was a lesson that I needed to learn to be happier.  Perfection is amorphous and relies on what other people think. Being true to myself and behaving in ways I’m proud of in most moments are possible goals. They also just so happen to be behaviors that tend to be appreciated by others. 

There have been times when I’ve half-jokingly said, “Most days I try to get along with everyone else, and today was their turn to get along with me.” It’s a way for me to grant myself grace when I wish I’d done better, and it’s an opportunity for me to do better next time.

2025 Year in Review Through Bingo

December is the perfect time to reflect on how the past year measured up to hopes and goals. In January, I created a 2025 Bingo card that reflected various priorities I have.  It proved useful and motivating as I checked in throughout the year. In November, I created a second Bingo card for the holidays that featured more self-care items, and it added a lot of value to my life. I didn’t complete every item on either of the Bingo cards, but I did a lot more of them than I think I would have without them. 

Things I accomplished this year:

1. Dry January – 30 Days no alcohol
2. Read three books - this one I exceeded greatly with the help of my local library
3. Virtual painting party & complete a paint-by-numbers: This was a really fun project. I had a paint-by-numbers created from a photograph of my sisters and me. I gifted it to each of them for Christmas last year, and the plan was to have a virtual painting party, complete with berets and a photo op. It was a lot of fun, and now I have a really cool painting of us!
4. Strength training 12 times in 30 days – this one took until November-December to finish. While I did strength training all year, I usually did it twice a week. Having the Bingo card motivated me to add some extra sessions. 
5. Bake something – I made a lemon meringue pie for a friend and cookies. It was fun to brush up on some old skills and enjoy the results.
6. Visit a new place in my state & celebrate my birthday with a weekend getaway – this combined two Bingo tasks, and I smile just thinking about the incredible scenery and hiking I experienced at Mount Rainier National Park. 
7. Set up a home office – This one was intended to help me have more flexibility and be prepared when things don’t go as planned. I’m glad to have a space and setup that is ready to use.
8. Travel outside my state – I accomplished this one twice this year, and it was fulfilling to visit with friends and family. 
9. Write 10 blog posts – I’ve done 11 so far, and this one will be the 12th of the year. When I started blogging in 2013, my goal was to write ten posts annually. I’ve met or exceeded that number each year, and this post is #173. 
10. Bike ten miles – I thought I’d do this one outside, but it didn’t happen. I did bike inside on my stationary bike for more than ten miles in a workout, and I’m counting it. Just because it didn’t go as originally envisioned doesn’t mean it wasn’t worthy!
11. Make a quilt – I’ve done quite a few over the years, and this one was really special.
12. Reconnect with an old friend – a dear friend invited me to a community event recently, and it was a joy to catch up! I didn’t initiate it, but we made it happen!

There are more squares with tasks that are yet to be done, but I did get three Bingos in each of my cards so far. I also have time and might finish some more before year end. 

My key takeaways from this project are:

• Setting some broad goals without explicit requirements allowed me to be creative. 
• I intentionally chose items that would support overall well-being. They captured physical and mental health, creativity, travel, connection, and professional development. 
• Looking at the Bingo card monthly kept me focused, and it motivated me to put extra effort in certain areas throughout the year. 
• Without this, I don’t think I would have accomplished as much as I did. 
• This project has been one way for me to celebrate wins and see where I have more difficulty. I don’t feel bad about what didn’t get done when I see them next to what I did accomplish. 
• The items that didn’t get done might have been partially done or have some good reasons for not getting completed. If they’re important to me, I can put them on my 2026 Bingo card. 

Whether you create your own Bingo card or just list items that appeal to you, checking in throughout the year can help you decide what really matters to you. Some goals may change or drop off, and some may prove to be tremendous sources of joy. As this year ends and 2026 begins, I hope you have all you need to find joy and fulfillment. Cheers!

Holiday Wellness Bingo Card

Each year, the holiday season is a time of increased tasks, deadlines, and obligations. It can be stressful doing everything I need to do and want to do. Add managing my health issues with Multiple Sclerosis, and it can get overwhelming. I’d love it if the satisfaction of nurturing my health and sanity was enough to maintain healthy habits as its own reward, but it hasn’t been. Temptation abounds, and denying myself can feel punishing at times. I strive to enjoy both in healthy doses.

Over the years, I’ve trimmed down and streamlined seasonal tasks to reduce effort and stress. This year, I want to infuse fun with a Bingo card. By choosing items that support my personal goals and having a deadline to complete them, I’ll be more likely to do them.

My goals are to encourage nutrition, physical fitness, connection, non-phone related activities, pampering, and things that reduce stress and MS symptoms. Some items are a one-and-done, while others involve creating routines.

In choosing them, I made sure to include a frequency that might be challenging for me but doable. I recognize that doing something every day is tough to accomplish, but three to five days per week allows for progress and success. Building in flexibility is especially helpful when my schedule is disrupted or I’m not feeling great. I’m more likely to meet or exceed my goals with a lower threshold than I am to keep doing it if I’ve failed after aiming for perfection.

I’ve decided to allow more than two months for this Bingo card, because it’s often hard to do something in 30 days within the confines of a single month. If I span months, I’m much more likely to be successful. It also allows me to bridge this year into next, since having a deadline of New Year’s Day can get stressful.  I want to be successful with this, not create more stress.  

MS spasticity has been increasing for me lately, and it’s a priority for me to do more now. It’s a frustrating MS symptom that causes my calf muscles to stiffen and hurt. Spasticity is when nerves fire messages more than is normal, and it can cause muscles to live in a constant state of tension. That stress on the muscles can seem like an easy way to build muscles, but it’s not. It reduces muscle flexibility, which is imperative for long-term well-being and mobility. Medication isn’t doing enough to prevent it for me, but stretching, massage, hydration, and magnesium oil help. I’d like to combat it better, so I’ve included a few things in my Bingo card that should help.  One is stretching multiple times throughout the day. I’ve chosen to use my watch’s hourly reminder to stand as a reminder to stretch. Another tactic is to massage my legs throughout the week. It’s not pleasant for me, since it means massaging areas that hurt and are painful when touched. My hope is to reduce tightness from spasticity and ultimately minimize my reluctance and pain.

The 25 squares I’ve chosen to include in my Holiday Wellness Bingo card are:

1. Bingo Center Square: Make a bingo card and get credit with the center square

2. Stretch calves average 6x per day 30 days.

3. Massage legs 4x per week for 30 days

4. Drink 8 glasses of water per day for 30 days.

5. Drink Veggie & Fruit smoothies 4x per week for 30 days.

6. Make a large pot of stew and put half of it in the freezer for future meals.

7. Create a calendar with key dates & commitments: I created a calendar that spans November through the middle of January so that I can get a feel for how much time there is. I’m including deadlines for shipping gifts and sending cards, as well as putting up decorations, gatherings to attend, and other commitments.

8. Write a letter.

9. Reconnect with an old friend.

10. Submit medical expenses for insurance reimbursement: I need to do this, I’m avoiding it, and I’m more likely to get it done if I get credit on my Bingo card!

11. Track gift expenses: This is good for financial management.

12. Bake something: This will encourage me to make time for this. While I like baking, it tends to be one of the first optional things that gets cut when I’m busy.

13. Take a beach walk: This will help me slow down, enjoy the outdoors, and improve my physical and mental health.

14. Read a book (or listen to an audiobook): This will help me expand my focus and provide a break from daily stress.

15. Dry brush & cold-water blast 5x per week – These improve circulation, and they’re good for general health. Gently dry brushing before a shower helps with exfoliation, circulation, and pampering. I’m not likely to do a cold plunge, but a quick blast of cold water at the end of a shower feels like a decent substitute.

16. Moisturize full body 3x per week – This is pampering, and it’s a good opportunity to use magnesium oil to help combat spasticity.

17. Mani/Pedi: While I’m good with keeping a manicure, pedicures tend to get missed during the winter months. This will be a nice pampering effort.

18. Listen to two MS Focus podcasts – I always appreciate them, but I often listen to news or fluff. Continuing to learn what’s new in MS developments and hearing other perspectives help me stay motivated and informed.

19. Purge and donate clothes – Some clothing, costume jewelry, and shoes aren’t getting worn or don’t work for me anymore. Someone else could use them, and I can use the space.

20. Grant myself grace: This is one I could use all the time. Putting it in the Bingo card is intended to help me remember.

21. Make three mocktail recipes: This is an attempt to add a feeling of pampering myself in a healthy way and practicing moderation when the holiday season encourages more frequent alcohol temptations.

22. Make three fruit-based healthy desserts: This is intended to inspire creativity and fulfillment when a lot of treats are not nutritious.

23. Journal 4 things per week that were new to me or inspired me: People are amazing, and being open to new perspectives is exciting for me. Writing them down will be a great way to review them later.

24. Strength training 12x in 30 days: Getting stronger is recommended for all of us as we age. It’s easy for me to let it slide. Setting this goal will keep me motivated.

25. Take lunch breaks @ work 16x in 30 days: I often work through lunch, and setting this goal will be a tough one for me to meet. I’m ready to try, though!

While this card is unique to my challenges and goals, I hope it spurs ideas for what would be good for you. If you make a Bingo Card for yourself and you’re willing to share, I’d love to know what you include!

Creative Thinking & Well-Being

Being creative is generally accepted as a desirable trait, and the science supports it helps our well-being. When we look at our health physically, it’s often using objective measurements, lab test results, and diagnostic imaging.  They provide numerical measurements and data to compare ourselves to a healthy range for most people.

To capture emotional well-being, we use more subjective measurements that consider mood, worry, stress, happiness, and level of confidence we feel about managing our health.  

 

Sometimes lab results explain why we’re experiencing certain health challenges, and sometimes they don’t. Without test results that validate our health issues, there might not be a specific medical treatment to help. It’s those situations where working on our emotional well-being might be the only thing we can do to cope.  

 

I was heartened to learn that studies provide support for how much creativity helps subjective well-being. One study, “Being Creative Makes You Happier: The Positive Effect of Creativity on Subjective Well-Being,”¹ describes how a sense of well-being promotes creativity, and creativity is conducive to well-being. The more creative we are, the more satisfied with our well-being we become. And the better our well-being seems to us, the more creative we tend to be.  

 

It’s a chicken and egg scenario, and I like learning that creativity is not frivolous. It’s good for overall health!

 

Creativity can be considering unusual solutions in everyday situations.  I didn’t have a rolling pin for a pie crust, so I used a cocktail shaker. My brand-new manicure chipped at the tips of a couple nails. A quick brush of an accent color on those nails and the same on the other hand fixed the chips and made the manicure look like an intentional design choice. I love being creative with leftover food and turning it into a new gourmet dish. I take pride in being able to create delicious meals when someone else looks in the kitchen and thinks there’s “nothing to eat.”

 

Living with Multiple Sclerosis can lead to more sobering problem-solving opportunities. I spend a lot of time looking for ways to improve my health in hopes of slowing disease progression and managing symptoms. It can be frustrating and annoying. I find I’m happier when I approach problem solving with creativity. Medical providers might suggest certain exercises or lifestyle changes. If I don’t like what they suggest, can I find alternatives that would accomplish the same things in a way more pleasing for me? 

 

Anything involving self-expression is a creative endeavor. Hair style and color, makeup, clothing choices, nail polish, jewelry, and eye glasses have tons of options. Having fun with them can be a fairly low risk commitment. When MS leads to needing to change shoe preferences or other accommodations, are there styles or ways to customize them and reflect my personality and style? 

 

People often say they can’t draw or they’re not artistic. I would challenge them to rethink the purpose of art. It’s not all about the end result. Doodling, coloring, drawing, painting, and assembling collages can be enjoyable no matter the level of skill. Paint & sip gatherings are fun for the experience, and you can modify yours however you’d like. Participating with the sole expectation of having fun allows creativity to flow. You might surprise yourself. If you don’t like it, you can paint over it. If you think it’s a masterpiece, enjoy it!

 

If visual arts like painting, sculpture and photography aren’t interesting to you, consider writing, humor, or music. Anything that expands skills and stimulates different perspectives promotes creativity. Creativity promotes well-being, and who couldn’t use more of that?

 

1.   Tan, Cher-Yi, Chun-Qian Chuah, Shwu-Ting Lee, and Chee-Seng Tan. “Being Creative Makes You Happier: The Positive Effect of Creativity on Subjective Well-Being.” International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 18, no. 14 (July 6, 2021): 7244. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph18147244.

Forms of Focus

Life is full of distractions, disruptions, deadlines, and despair. Yet we go on. Sometimes we’re strong and excited, and other times we struggle. The measure of success isn’t an imaginary idea of being perfect.  Whether we lead, push, pull, or fall short, it’s success to keep showing up and trying. 

The ability to focus helps with test-taking, achievement, and success, yet what to focus on and when to focus are up to us in each moment. 

What does it mean to focus? Often, it’s paying attention, limiting distractions, and concentrating. Do I have to push so hard all the time? Maybe not. 

Some behaviors are counterintuitive for their type of focus and value. Focus can be looking at everyday life through a new lens. If I’m thinking about a project and I take a walk, my mind might go somewhere it wouldn’t have otherwise. Inspiration can strike, and motivation can follow. 

Sometimes I feel rushed when I have too much to do. It’s exactly those times when I need to focus and slow down. I need to accept that it will take longer to complete each task, so that I don’t make mistakes or miss-steps that will take more time to fix later. 

Even in a hurry, I’ve been rewarded for having relaxed conversations with people. I’ll mention what I’m working on, and they often add a perspective that helps improve my work. It not only helps my work, it builds relationships and adds joy to my day. 

These experiences help me consider a variety of behaviors as contributing to focus.  

Distraction: Intentional Focus

Do you know what doesn’t taste good? A glass of water when I think I’m drinking lemonade. 

I poured a glass of lemonade, put the bottle back in the fridge, turned back to the counter, picked up a glass, and drank the glass of water located a foot away from my glass of lemonade. I like water. I didn’t like it when I thought it was going to be lemonade. My guess is the converse would be true as well. It’s a small moment with no harm done, but it showed my focus was lacking. 

A little more attention and intention would have avoided this experience, but then I would have missed out on this silly experience that amused me.  Noticing my error led me to focus on the taste, the chain of events, and how I received and interpreted the event. Distraction led me to intentionally focus in this case. 

Takeaway: Allow time for focus, but allow time for distraction. It can lead to unexpected enjoyment. 

Disruptions: Habitual focus

I love routines. They take less effort than making decisions every moment. 

Whenever my morning routine deviates, I tend to forget things, time gets away from me, or I spend time making decisions I wouldn’t otherwise need to make. Those are the mornings I rush, forget something, and then spend more time going back to get my phone or keys than it would have taken if I’d slowed down in the first place. 

There’s irony in hurrying to get things done more quickly to stop being stressed, then goofing things up, or forgetting things because I’m hurrying, and then spending more time and becoming more stressed than I would have been if I’d just slowed down. It’s a good reminder to look beyond the momentary push, remember the usual routine, and make sure each step is done well. 

Takeaway: Disrupted routines will happen. Remember, a couple of extra minutes goes a long way to avoiding much longer delays. 

Procrastination: Pondering focus

Sometimes I could be judged as procrastinating, because I haven’t started something. I’ve learned I’m usually not actively working on it because I’m not ready. I’m pondering, considering, and letting the topic stew. When it’s time to decide or produce something, it’s usually better for the extra time and consideration I gave it, and my thoughts have ripened enough to finish the project with satisfaction. 

Takeaway: Sometimes, procrastination is active mental preparation. 

Deadlines: Crunch time focus

When I know I have time, I might schedule time closer to a deadline to work on it. It’s a false sense of time, though, since if an emergency arises, it’s a challenge. I’m either not able to meet the obligation, I might have to pay with lack of sleep, or I’ll accept some other personal slight to make it happen. 

In crunch time, it’s tempting to double down on effort and skip breaks to meet deadlines. I’m guilty of this far too often. It’s important to build in time to step away and come back. This can be a dance, walk, wiggle or stretch break. Anything that works a different part of the body and mind is important. It’s good to step away, clear the mind, and come back with a fresh perspective. 

Takeaway: Crunch time must include breaks for long-term success. 

Bad News Day: Centered Focus

There are days when the news hits harder than others, and it shakes us from our plans. On these days, I have to look at priorities, turn to my core values, and consider options. What’s really important in this moment? Can I stick with my plans for the day, or do I need to modify, delay, delegate, or delete tasks to comfort myself and tend to my emotional needs? Wisdom and maturity help us decipher our feelings, recognize our needs, and factor them into our decision-making.  Centering ourselves and focusing on what really matters in those times isn’t just a good idea; it’s necessary for stability and peace of mind. 

Takeaway: Things won’t always go as planned, and we need to be compassionate to ourselves and others. We’re all human, and centered focus needs to be not only allowed but appreciated. 

Being Cool

More than any other time of year, summer shares my not-so-secret secrets. I’m not as thin, flexible, or strong as I used to be. It’s easier to disguise and ignore in colder weather when clothing is bulkier and outdoor activities are less promising.

This time of year encourages reality checks for how I look, feel, what I’m able to do, and how things that used to be easy now require more effort. While natural aging is challenging, Multiple Sclerosis adds even more difficulty to living well in later years. 

I remember as a kid thinking my 50 to 60-year-old grandparents were really old. They weren’t active, and it wouldn’t have occurred to me that they could be. As I’ve watched baby boomers age, they’ve shown they can still be active. They’ve changed my expectations and hopes for myself for my later years. 

Just as each generation is changing expectations for what’s possible, I think the potential to live well with MS in later years is improving. This isn’t always true for each person, but as a whole, those of us living with MS today are doing better at each age than those with MS fifty, thirty, and even twenty years ago.  

For me, having MS is a burden to endure and a motivator to do what I can to combat its likely effects. At almost 55 years old, I’m hopeful that I’m still in the late summer of my life and still have time to delay decline. Each year I do well, I’m encouraged that I may keep doing well for a while. I know achieving that goal demands even more effort. 

If I let up, spasticity will tighten my limbs, limit mobility, and cause more pain than it already does. Medication helps, but stretching is mandatory for maintaining any flexibility. I’d think the way spasticity fires nerve messages and tightens muscles would lead to stronger limbs, but that hasn’t been my experience. It just tightens them, makes movement more difficult, and causes pain. 

It takes a lot of work to be where I’m at, but I still haven’t given up hope or effort for improvement. 

Thankfully, summer provides more opportunities to do things that improve my health. Produce is fresh and fleeting. Enjoy the flavor and nourishment while it lasts. Days are longer, and more sunlight improves my mood. I love being active outside, and the weather is conducive to outdoor activities. Friends are more likely to want to get together, and they support my well-being. 

Sometimes vanity can get in the way of making things easier or less stressful. Things that accommodate aging and MS-related issues are often bulky, less fashionable, and just don’t look cool. Similar to how opinions and expectations are changing for aging, I’d love it if we redefined what cool looks like.   

If needing accommodations for heat sensitivity, consider it’s cooler to be cool than it is to look cool. Lately I’ve noticed more spectators and athletes wearing cooling devices. They’re helping to change the stereotype that cooling vests and accessories are only for people who are weak or vulnerable. Cooling devices worn by athletes appear high-tech and something that helps high performers excel. Maybe with time, more people will see them as not only normal but desirable.  

With age, I’ve embraced comfortable shoes and safety equipment. I love my hiking poles for the stability they provide and stress they ease when I’m navigating trails. On a paddleboard, I’m fine wearing a bulky personal flotation device. I’d rather focus on balancing and enjoying the water than taking risks. 

I’m eager to let go of self-consciousness when it doesn’t support my goals while recognizing it's not easy to let go of vanity.  I’m hopeful comfort and happiness become the norm for being cool, and I'll advocate wherever I can.

Spring Presents

Without changes in routines or seasonal differences, it’s easy to lose track of time, day of the week, month, and even time of year. It’s good to have consistent healthy habits, but variety in schedule, activities, and environment helps us mark time.  

Consider driving a long stretch of highway. They have names for the experience of driving a distance, losing track of time, and being surprised not to remember it: highway hypnosis and white line fever. 

The more monotonous an experience, the less alert we’ll be, and we become more apt to operate on autopilot. It’s a small leap to compare this to our lives and how we experience time passing. The less we notice and the more we operate on autopilot, the more time can fly by. 

Suggestions for combatting highway hypnosis include keeping your brain engaged, changing your environment, and taking movement breaks. All of these suggestions can be used to add enjoyment to life, and spring presents an especially perfect season for using them.

Noticing budding leaves and blossoms delights me each spring. Years ago, I made a rule for myself to stop and smell the first blooming hyacinth I see. It’s my favorite-smelling flower, and it’s among the first to bloom in spring. Some years they’ve been in pots at grocery stores, others were at ground level in a friend’s garden or along a sidewalk, and one year they were on a hillside that required some effort to access. Each experience grounded me in my surroundings and helped me notice more flowers and warmer weather are to come. 

I eagerly await longer days each year, and springtime delights me with sunshine later in the day. Walking or jogging after work boosts my mood and helps with fitness. Short winter days can be hard to take, and I’m overjoyed when sunny evenings return.

I look forward to the local farmer’s market opening each spring for fresh produce, creative wares, and community gatherings. Frequently, impromptu conversations and well-wishes occur with people I haven’t seen in a while. It seems like we’ve all emerged from our winter hibernation, and it’s exciting to reconnect.  

Recognizing the unique specialness of each season is not only enjoyable, it helps me feel like I haven’t missed out, and I’m less likely to feel like I let time pass me by. 

Information on highway hypnosis:

Raypole, C. (2020, July 2). Highway hypnosis: Signs, causes, how to handle it. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/highway-hypnosis   

Fortifying Relationships

Some bonds can withstand extreme stress and grumpy behavior. Others falter with the slightest misstep or misunderstanding. 

Sometimes I wonder where I stand with people I haven’t seen in a while. After getting divorced, I worried I was portrayed in a way that led people to judge me in a way I thought was unfair and inaccurate. When encountering people I haven’t seen in a while, I’m not always sure if their opinion of me has changed.  I cherish those who light up when they see me. My fears and insecurities vanish immediately, my entire body relaxes, and I delight in the reunion. 

There are others who I’d never question where I stand. They’ve been consistent confidantes and cheerleaders. Our relationships have been fortified over many years to a level where I can’t imagine anything could break it. 

It’s easier to put effort into relationships when I feel good. Being generous and kind comes naturally when I’m less stressed or fatigued. When I don’t feel well, it’s harder to look beyond my own thoughts and feelings to see what’s going on with others.

Sometimes, the shift from gathering strength to interact to being energized and excited to connect comes quickly. It can be from their energy rubbing off on me, their kindness, or their acceptance of me without demanding anything else.

Sometimes it’s a reality check that causes a shift. Realizing a friend is going through their own hard times and could really use support reminds me to look beyond my own life. 

I’ve benefited and learned so much from many very wise and compassionate people who helped me through challenging times, and I try to pay it forward. Usually, it’s by example, but I’ve attempted to gather and share some highlights here. 

Make bids for connection:

• Offer to listen, invite them to share, and make it clear there’s no expectation or pressure.
• Check in by phone, text, or email, and let them know they don’t have to respond.
• If I’m genuinely there for them at all times, make sure they know it and believe me. 
• Be there for them when they reach out. 
• If you’re able and it feels genuine, light up when you see them.  

Consider conversation approaches:

• Ask open-ended questions that aren't leading. Avoid asking, “So you’re doing well?” Try “How are you doing?” If they’re not doing well, they won’t need to overcome an incorrect assumption before sharing whatever they’re comfortable sharing.
• Acknowledge that my own problems may be silly and aren’t as big as theirs, but they’re what I’m experiencing. Sometimes people are sick of dealing with their own issues and would like to hear what’s going on with you.
• Share without competing. Allude to how my experiences may be similar, but be clear that I understand their situation may be completely different. How I deal with similar issues or life events may or may not help them.
• Validate their experience before providing reassurance.  If the validation step is skipped, it can appear to be dismissing their feelings and reality.  
• If I get emotional, be clear that the topic is hard but I’m glad they’re sharing with me. 
• Be patient, and let the pauses linger.  What feels like an awkward pause can be received as patience.  Quiet moments help allow time to organize thoughts and gather the courage to share. 
• Avoid interrupting, it can disrupt their train of thought. If I do interrupt, I’ll try to bring the conversation back to the point where I interrupted them. 
• Don’t yuck someone else’s yum.  What works for one doesn’t for others. 
• Be okay with not agreeing with them and not understanding everything.  Trust they’re doing their best, and respect their decisions. 

Show appreciation:

• Appreciate the relationship, and tell them why.  Share how our relationship and times together help me and make my life better.  
• When people ask for help, let them know how much they’ve helped me in the past.  Share how being there for them is important to me. 

Follow up:

• Sometimes my reactions can be misconstrued or confusing. If I’m really absorbing something, I might stare and not say anything. It can sometimes lead people to reach conclusions that weren’t my intention.  If I realize later that this might have happened, I want to let them know that my reaction was sincere contemplation and not judgment. 
• If I perceive an interaction as difficult, follow up later.  Ask if it’s okay to bring up what happened and what I think I could have done differently.  See how they feel about it, and see if they agree or have other insight. If they don’t want to talk about it, reinforce the relationship and let the issue go. 

Each of these suggestions has one or many stories behind it. I cherish the friends, family, counselors, acquaintances, writers, bloggers, and leaders who’ve shared their wisdom and have helped me learn and grow. I needed it, and they’ve helped me immensely.

New Year’s Reflection

One thing to remember about New Year’s resolutions: They are not required.  If you don’t want to make any, don’t.  I like them for the feeling of a fresh start and hope for a better future, but I also know that I need to be ready before I make a change. If I try before I’m ready, it will end with feelings of failure and guilt. 

Coming out of the holiday season, I recognize I did a lot, and I don’t feel like I took enough time to rest and recharge. Now it’s January, there are many things to do, and I’m not feeling completely ready. I’ve been too busy getting things done each day to take a step back and look longer term. 

My first step for the year is to grant myself grace. I’ve scheduled time to reflect, and I aim to decide what I want to do this coming year. 

Instead of jumping to the step of deciding what to change, I want to take time to consider last year and how I’m doing. These questions help me evaluate my life as it is now:

1. What did I love about last year? Why?
2. What was challenging or annoying? Why was it hard?
3. What did I learn? How can that lesson help me in the future?
4. Where in my life did I improve or lapse? Why do I think it changed?
5. Was there anything I needed or wanted that I didn’t have? Is it possible to have them?  If so, how would it be possible?  If not, do I need them?
6. How does answering these questions make me feel?

When distinguishing between what I need to do and what I want to do, I often think of the 1999 movie, “Office Space,” where the main character hates his job and decides not to go to work anymore. He doesn’t much care for paying bills either. He’s just not going to do them anymore. When asked if he’ll quit his job, he says no, he’s just not going to go anymore. It works out for him, hilariously and brilliantly.  

It wouldn’t for us, but the ridiculousness of it is a good lesson.  There are things we categorize as mandatory, but really, we just don’t want the consequences not doing them might bring. We still get to choose, although they seem like no-brainer decisions. I’m very aware that health issues severely limit options, so please know this distinction between need and want applies differently for each person. Take it or leave it as it helps you in your own life. 

For me, it helps to remember I’m not required to live the life I’m living. The things I love about my life are worth cultivating, and the challenging things deserve attention. I have choices. Knowing that, I look at how I answered the questions above, and it opens up the range of options available. 

There have been years when I needed to make really big changes, and some took a long time before I was ready to make them. All of them have led to me living a life I love more than the one I was living. I like the me I’ve become, and I’m excited to keep learning, growing, and evolving. As far as any resolutions go for this this year, I’ll make them when I’m ready. 

Wishes for Wellness

Bright lights on buildings and cool decorations

Brighten the landscape and cause a sensation

Snail mail and email share tidings and cheer

Wishes for wellness and Happy New Year

Kindness from strangers and heartfelt connection

Show us what matters and trigger reflection

Posts on the social show who they hold dear

Wishes for wellness and Happy New Year

Visit with loved ones and arrive gift bearing

Delight in giving while sharing and caring 

Joy, peace and goodwill for those far and near

Wishes for wellness and Happy New Year

When fatigue hits

When the stress rears

When I’m overwhelmed

Focus on what matters, let go of the rest, 

and deem the season success!

This was written for fun to be sung to the tune of “My Favorite Things,” by Oscar Hammerstein II and Richard Rodgers in their musical, “The Sound of Music.”  Take good care, all!

Moments Matter

Have you ever been in a mood and had something happen that changed it in a moment? It happens a lot, and some moments stick through the years. 

I recall being at work years ago, and cheerfully saying, “Good morning!” They responded quickly and sharply, “What’s good about it?” 

I don’t remember how I responded then, but I still think about how it startled me. I felt like I’d done something wrong, and I wasn’t sure what. My mood swiftly dropped from happy to resentful.  This memory helped me learn the life lesson that we’re all living different experiences, and lots of interactions have nothing to do with us. 

The same holds true for the ability of strangers to lift my spirits.  I regularly recall the child who years ago mistook me for their mom.  While I perused the shelves at eye level, I felt a tight hug around my legs paired with, “I love you.”  The child looked up at me and realized I wasn’t their mom. They quickly released me and ran to their mom in embarrassment.  Their mom and I exchanged a quick smile and assurance all was fine. I was left surprised by how good it felt to receive love that wasn’t even meant for me. I was grappling with immensely difficult life circumstances, and that moment lifted me up in a way I really needed at the time. 

My mood shifts between highs and lows throughout the year, but it can feel even more intense during the holiday season. I’m physically managing intensified Multiple Sclerosis symptoms, and I’m emotionally managing some sadness that the holidays often bring. I’m often interacting with more people than usual and pushing myself to do more than my usual routine.  The stakes seem higher, and I anticipate I won’t always be at my best. Similarly, every other person out there has their own world of stress, hardship, and expectations. 

This isn’t earth-shattering, surprising insight, but reminders to think beyond my thoughts help me when I’m having a hard time. Considering how hard life is for many helps me be more patient and compassionate. When I aim to spread kindness, I feel better about myself. When I feel better about myself, I’m more likely to spread kindness. That feels good.

Look Forward to Something

Fall where I live means shorter days, less sunlight, more rain, and colder weather. I realized after my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis, that seasonal shifts to spring and fall are times when I’m more susceptible to MS exacerbations. I used to worry about it, and it’s taken a lot of effort to feel more confident approaching seasonal changes.

My usual approach is:

1. When things are tough, take inventory of what’s tough, what will help, and what’s helped before; and

2. Look forward to something.

For the first item in my approach, check out my post, Seasonal Well-Being Checklists, for some practical tips for coping with season changes. With this post, I’ll focus on the second one: Looking forward to something.  

It’s easy to focus on the season's challenges, but it’s helpful to acknowledge and take advantage of the benefits.

Shorter days mean sunrises are later in the morning, and I’m more likely to be awake to enjoy them. Many of my favorite sunrise photographs and moments of enjoying them were in the fall. Earlier sunsets and darkness also make it less difficult to get to bed and fall asleep. 

Shorter days also mean earlier sunset and darkness. I chased the Aurora Borealis in May this year and managed to see them spectacularly.  That evening I saw them lightly at 10:00 pm and stayed up until 1:30 am to capture the show.  It took a toll on me staying up so late, and it was worth it to me to see them for the first time. Tonight, I saw them at 8:00 pm and am still able to go to bed at a decent hour. They might not be as incredible this time, but I loved it and won’t need a couple days to recover from staying up late. 

Colder weather means I’m more comfortable outside and don’t need to worry about heat-induced MS symptoms. When the weather isn’t as warm and sunny, I feel less pressure to be outside. Spending time indoors feels more cozy, comforting, and relaxing. 

October brings Halloween and autumn foliage. Seeing photos from friends and family of kids enjoying the fall season is delightful. I love seeing their pumpkin patch outings, apple orchard picking, and Halloween costumes. I enjoy giving candy to trick-or-treaters and admiring their costumes. 

Early autumn brings low-pressure Thanksgiving and Christmas planning. Planning early for decorations, cards, gifts, and get-togethers can be done with excited anticipation rather than last-minute anxiety and stress. 

When I focus on what I enjoy with the season, it brightens my outlook and makes coping with challenges a bit easier. 

DIY Self-Care

Self-care: Anything that nourishes me physically or emotionally, 

reduces stress, or improves my well-being.

Self-care is necessary and often neglected. That said, it only feels neglected when we’re feeling stressed, overloaded, or having a hard time. It’s important to give ourselves credit for all we do to care for ourselves and others every day.  Perspective matters. If we remember how much we’re already doing, it’s easier to show compassion for ourselves. 

Self-care by definition means taking an active role in taking care of ourselves, physically and emotionally. It implies it’s solely a Do It Yourself (DIY) responsibility. When feeling overwhelmed or not well, it’s natural to believe the answer is to just try harder. This is when we need to remember we’re like a DIY home project: we can’t and don’t need to do it all on our own. 

DIY home projects include decorating, renovating, repairing, and maintaining our homes without hiring a professional. We wouldn’t expect our homes to be well-maintained or improve without effort. If we can’t afford to hire professionals, we need to know or learn how to do it ourselves. I’ve done a lot of DIY home projects, and all of them involved using tools, materials, and knowledge created or compiled by others. 

Those of us without great financial wealth serve as our own personal chef, housekeeper, chauffeur, financial advisor, accountant, and fitness trainer. When we recognize how much we do in all of these and other roles, we should consider ourselves daily superheroes! 

I like remembering self-care is DIY, because it reminds me to prioritize it. I have people who care about me and will help, but ultimately, I need to be responsible for identifying and addressing my needs. If I don’t know what I need, and I don’t share what I need, no one can help. If I’m clear on what I need and I need help, I can ask for help. If I ask for help, it’s possible to get help. 

I’m a fan of getting credit for what I’m already doing. Sometimes feeling better isn’t about doing more or being pampered, it’s about how I perceive myself, the life I’m living, and the people in it. Sometimes I interpret a busy day as rushed, challenging, and frustrating, and others I judge it as productive and rewarding. The difference between rewarding days is usually that I tended to my physical and mental needs. I took moments throughout the day to hydrate, stretch, use the restroom, look away from a computer monitor, and connect with people with interest and compassion. 

It’s helpful to reflect each day, and I use the following questions to help assess how I’m doing and consider what will help me with my self-care:  

• What nourished me today physically and emotionally?
• How did I show compassion for myself or others?
• If I’m feeling low, do I need to make a change or get help?
• What did I do today for strength, flexibility, or movement?
• Did I hydrate and eat food with fiber and nutrients?
• What was stressful today, and what would help? 

These aren’t pass-fail questions. They’re helpful as a self-care tool for reflecting and being honest with myself. Knowing I’m going to consider them helps me include healthy habits throughout the day. Answering them helps me decide how best to tend to my needs. 

Some days self-care will mean resting without guilt. Others are pushing myself to achieve something that fulfills my sense of accomplishment and purpose. Self-care sometimes requires striking a task from the list without doing it. All of these situations and decisions are worth celebrating as successful self-care.