Intention & Expectations

Lately, I’ve been pausing periodically throughout each day to ask myself, “How do I want to show up today?”

It only takes a moment, just enough time for a brief inhale and exhale. It allows me to shake loose whatever thoughts are running through my mind and start fresh. I like to imagine I’m shaking a marked-up Etch-A-Sketch toy to create a clean surface ready for whatever I want to draw.

It helps me put myself in a frame of mind where I can be more compassionate toward people. I always want to be nice, but sometimes I’m too busy thinking about my own problems to notice how I’m coming across to others. 

Visible and invisible disabilities, trauma, loss, grief, turmoil, and mental health issues are abundant. The majority of people have experienced traumatic events, many people are currently living with difficult life circumstances, and some are just having a bad day. Remembering this puts me in a mindset to grant more grace when someone doesn’t behave well. 

When I ask myself how I want to show up, it helps me remember that I’m not at the mercy of circumstances and other people’s moods. It reminds me that how I act will influence how people respond to me. It helps me prepare for tough interactions and stressful situations. It’s helped me to listen more attentively, be more compassionate, and respond better when I’m not consumed by my thoughts. 

When I know I’m not at my best for whatever reason, it makes a huge difference. It shifts my focus from the thoughts in my head to my behavior, and then I have the option to intentionally influence what happens next. 

In stressful times or when I feel like others aren’t considering my needs, I know I need to work harder to avoid reacting in ways I don’t like. It doesn’t mean I need to be perfect, just responsible for my behavior. 

Aiming for perfection is impossible. I know, because I tried really hard to be perfect for a long time. It was a lesson that I needed to learn to be happier.  Perfection is amorphous and relies on what other people think. Being true to myself and behaving in ways I’m proud of in most moments are possible goals. They also just so happen to be behaviors that tend to be appreciated by others. 

There have been times when I’ve half-jokingly said, “Most days I try to get along with everyone else, and today was their turn to get along with me.” It’s a way for me to grant myself grace when I wish I’d done better, and it’s an opportunity for me to do better next time.

Vision & Values

I created a vision board years ago that included images of women doing yoga poses I couldn’t do. I attended yoga classes weekly, and I loved how it combined calming breath work with some of the gymnastics, athleticism, and flexibility that my Multiple Sclerosis issues had curtailed.

I placed the collage vision board near my makeup vanity, and I didn’t put a lot of effort into tracking it. About a year later, I looked up, and I was startled to realize I could do all the poses on my vision board! Without realizing it, I slowly worked my way toward poses that seemed completely out of reach a year prior. Dancer, feathered peacock, and crane pose had become regular movements in my yoga practice without any periodic notice or celebration. With this realization, my glee absolutely overflowed.

Looking back, I think about how dreaming and acknowledging my aspirations, combined with regularly showing up to yoga class, were the key. They helped me achieve things I hadn’t been convinced I would ever do. 

While it sounds like it was simple and potentially easy, it took a lot of juggling to make sure I made it to class each week. The competing demands of adulting made it hard to do something that seemed like it only benefited my physical health and ego. It cost money that could have gone to savings or other things. There were always more demands at work and home. MS fatigue reared up often, and the desire to do nothing was enticing. It was emotionally taxing to repeatedly choose to make yoga class a priority. Work and other people were always wanting more, and my body never seemed to get enough rest. Those were the days I intentionally evolved from always putting work first to balancing it with my personal well-being. 

Since my MS diagnosis 18 years ago, I’ve become firm in my resolve to put health as a high priority. I’ve made progress, yet I still find myself having internal debates.  I’ll assume judgment from others and mentally prepare detailed justifications for putting my emotional and physical health before work, relationships, and other commitments. I know I’m replaying perspectives from my youth. I learned that work ethic was the highest goal, and sacrifice was admirable. Let me be clear, no one else is saying any of this to me. I pre-empt any questions or conversation by providing my reasoning. I’ll explain why I’m making a choice that doesn’t align with work first, family second, everything else except me third, and personal needs last. While my reasons are potentially unnecessary for the people I’m telling, it’s good for me to say them out loud. I also reason that it’s good to model healthy behaviors and encourage others who wrestle with this issue. 

Inconvenience reveals our values. I want colleagues, friends, family, and everyone to monitor their health and say no when needed. Sure, it takes surging efforts and problem-solving skills to figure out how to navigate unforeseen absences or changes in plans. Yet I always want people to be where they need to be when they need to be there.  

I think being responsible shouldn’t be defined as always sticking to a plan. It’s having backup plans, sharing knowledge, building teamwork, preparing others to be able to get by, and helping out when others need it, if plans have to change. It’s knowing when it’s time to shift plans as a group effort to accommodate the well-being of ourselves and others. Our collective health and happiness rely on each of us to incorporate and accommodate our individual needs where possible. 

Taking time to dream of what can be, in any aspect of life, is a great first step toward achieving better things. Envisioning what’s possible and living our values makes for a path worth traveling.