Lately, I’ve been pausing periodically throughout each day to ask myself, “How do I want to show up today?”
It helps me put myself in a frame of mind where I can be more compassionate toward people. I always want to be nice, but sometimes I’m too busy thinking about my own problems to notice how I’m coming across to others.
Visible and invisible disabilities, trauma, loss, grief, turmoil, and mental health issues are abundant. The majority of people have experienced traumatic events, many people are currently living with difficult life circumstances, and some are just having a bad day. Remembering this puts me in a mindset to grant more grace when someone doesn’t behave well.
When I ask myself how I want to show up, it helps me remember that I’m not at the mercy of circumstances and other people’s moods. It reminds me that how I act will influence how people respond to me. It helps me prepare for tough interactions and stressful situations. It’s helped me to listen more attentively, be more compassionate, and respond better when I’m not consumed by my thoughts.
When I know I’m not at my best for whatever reason, it makes a huge difference. It shifts my focus from the thoughts in my head to my behavior, and then I have the option to intentionally influence what happens next.
In stressful times or when I feel like others aren’t considering my needs, I know I need to work harder to avoid reacting in ways I don’t like. It doesn’t mean I need to be perfect, just responsible for my behavior.
Aiming for perfection is impossible. I know, because I tried really hard to be perfect for a long time. It was a lesson that I needed to learn to be happier. Perfection is amorphous and relies on what other people think. Being true to myself and behaving in ways I’m proud of in most moments are possible goals. They also just so happen to be behaviors that tend to be appreciated by others.
There have been times when I’ve half-jokingly said, “Most days I try to get along with everyone else, and today was their turn to get along with me.” It’s a way for me to grant myself grace when I wish I’d done better, and it’s an opportunity for me to do better next time.
