Dealing With Seasonal Pressure

Fall consistently brings increased obligations, stress, and fatigue for me. I notice it’s happening when I feel pressured, stressed, and frustrated. The paradox is that when I realize something needs to give, the solution always requires more work. 

Colder weather, fewer hours of daylight, and cold & flu season consistently increase my multiple sclerosis symptoms. Each year, I find myself creating a new plan to adjust. By writing this, I hope to capture my thought process and make each year's adjustment less painful. 

A five-step plan for when I notice I’m stressed:

1. Get my bearings
2. Decide what matters
3. Build my team
4. Plan for success
5. Reflect

Get my bearings

When I feel extra pressured, it always helps me to take time to get my bearings. I often think of it as getting my head on straight. I assess how I’m doing emotionally and physically, and I try to identify what is causing me to feel stressed. 

Talking about problems can help, but I find I need to get my thoughts out in writing. It can be handwritten on scrap paper or my journal or typed into my phone or computer. The process of taking it from my brain to something written helps me figure out what is mine to own and resolve, what is something I can influence, and what I need to let be. 

I’ll consider context. Is how I’m feeling in line with the importance and urgency I’m giving it? Is it all mine to fix? Or can I right-size how much I need to own?

I want to remember that feeling stressed is not weakness. It’s a natural, human experience, and it is a wonderfully effective motivator for change. Sometimes we need to feel bad enough before we accept something has to change. 

Decide what matters

What do I care about, and which aspects of my life need help? Presumably if something is causing me stress, it matters to me. That said, I need to make sure the rest of my needs are still met. 

When I juggle obligations and hopes with the time and energy I have, there’s never enough of either to do it all. When I’m clear on what matters and the small things I can do to stay on track for my goals, it's doable. If it’s too much to expect improvement, the goal might be to maintain or minimize decline. 

Work, home, relationships, finances, health, exercise, creativity, and adventure all matter to me. They compete for time and often seem incompatible. Knowing they all have value helps me balance how much I do of each. Doing some of each of them can be nurturing, and too much of any can be sabotaging. 

Build my team

I don’t have to do it all. I feel like I do, and I remind myself frequently it’s not true. Who can help carry the mental load and help with physical tasks?

My team includes family, friends, colleagues, medical providers, and paid services. Adding paid services has been a recent shift in perspective. 

Just as I pay someone to harvest my food and cut my hair, it’s okay to pay someone to do other tasks that would make my life better. That’s been an interesting lesson. I thought I should always do things I’m able to do. Can I clean my home? Yes. Can I make my food? You bet. Am I lazy if I don’t do all the cleaning in my home or make all the food in my home? That’s a harder question to answer no. It takes intentional rethinking of old beliefs to give myself permission to pay for cleaning and meal services. They feel indulgent and extravagant, and I’m learning to see them as resources that support my well-being while I’m working full time and managing my health.

Plan for success

Frequently, my go-to solution to alleviating stress is to wish for more energy and more time. That’s likely true for many people, regardless of health status. Living with daily MS fatigue and other symptoms adds even more challenges. It’s frustrating, but it motivates me to be intentional about what I do.

What needs to be done, and does it really need to be done? If it does, who has to do it, how long will it take, and how often does it need to be done? Some things can be done by someone else, some require coordination, and others can’t be outsourced at all. 

Household chores can be shared with others in the home. I have flashcards for routine household tasks. I’ll sort through them and pull out the ones that need to be done that day or week. Putting them in a visible location in the kitchen helps me stay on track when I might forget, and it lets others in the home know they need to be done. 

We use a phone app for our grocery list, so the tasks of keeping stocked and making purchases are shared and coordinated. Both systems reduce my personal responsibility and cultivate a shared team effort. 

I recently expanded my team to include cleaning and meal services. I still have to clean, but now they come every other week to help me stay on top of everything. Meal service has helped with healthy, ready-to-eat options when I’m extra fatigued and need more rest after work. They add variety to my diet and get me to try new things without spending a lot of time deciding, purchasing, and cooking. 

I can’t delegate or outsource personal fitness. For this, I try to combine things I enjoy. Fitness classes are great for the routine and camaraderie. Walks with others are perfect for combining movement and relationship building. 

Reflect

Reflecting on what’s done doesn’t seem necessary, but it’s transformative when I do it. When I focus only on what still needs to be done, my stress level stays high. When I reflect periodically and acknowledge how much is getting done, I feel productive and on track. My body relaxes just writing that last sentence. 

It’s good to have people close to me who will tell me when I’m being hard on myself. I will feel like I'm not doing enough when there’s so much to do, and they’ll remind me how much I do. 

I’ve learned I will always overextend myself and will have periods of stress that signal I need to adjust. Knowing what’s worked in the past and exploring options for the future with an open mind will help me live as well as I can.